Is this my existence?

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Saturday, October 04, 2008

Smiling time and time again..

I see myself smiling..

See myself laughing..

But as the day draws to a close..

I lie down in bed and think about it carefully..

I realised that smiling and laughing is so easy..

wait..maybe I should correct myself..

Forging a smile and laughter is so easy..

Yeah..that should be the correct way to say it..

Forging..

Its not real..

It doesn't ring from the heart..

All I have to do is just to pretend that I do not know my heart..

Just pretend that I do not know myself..

I've told others not to lie to themselves and that I hate it..

But I've been lying to myself for so long now..

I've told others not to run away from their problems and facing them head on..

But I'm the one who is always running away..

I can advice others..

But I can't advice myself..

How ironic..

I'm always the one who is so digusted with myself..

The fact that I can smile when I don't feel like..

The fact that I can laugh even though I don't want to..

I hate myself..

I'm wondering how much more of this I can take..

Really pondering..

It's like I'm myself and yet not myself at the same time..

Like having a shadow living part of my life for me..

My shadow is laughing and smiling while the real me is hiding deep in the shadows..

Yet..

I have no desire to change this position..

I wold always be the one still running..

Still hiding from the light..

I can only say that..

I want to be my myself and yet not entirely myself..

This is pure irony..

And it sucks..

Labels: Irony

& HER

&An extremely ~~evil-ish~~ senile person who has intense memory problems.
&Been occupying space and dominating oxygen since 2nd June
&Around for 9teen years and demanding a refund.
&An ex-riversidian, currently a much-loved NP student of Pharmacy Science year 3

♥ HER DESIRES

♥Nothing will please me more than to get into a university now.
♥Following that will be accessories definitely.
♥Close behind are the 4Cs: Chocolates, Cash, Caps, Clothes.
♥A driving license will be nice once i saved up enough cash. ♥Far fetched wish is my dream home near the ocean.
may it come true!

† SPEAK UP

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Audi players and forummers
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# V.e.n.e.s.s.a laogong~
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# --babyDEE--

My TaLEs

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