Is this my existence?

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Been thinking..

since i hav the time..

and i cant concentrate on mugging..

I've been thinking..

sometimes..

alot of ppl cant do wad dey preach..

i'm one of them..

i mean..

take a look ard ur surroundings..

there are times and circumstances whereby consoling ppl re top of the list..

and when u do that..

u would want to reassure someone..

even if u saying sth dat u wouldnt do..

i guess i'm touching on the subject of white lies..

white lies are lies that benefits..

but lies are lies..

they mislead others and corrupt others..

when i advice others..

i tend to detach myself and try to tink in a unbias method..

i give my opinions and i state wad i see..

den from there..

i choose words that are appropriate for the atmosphere..

for the person to hear..

it might not be pleasant for me to say..

but if it benefits..

i dun mind being the bad guy..

there are things that i say i hate..

but i still do those things..

i couldn't be bothered..

i dun like being restricted by wad i hate..

or wad i like..

i jus do wad i feel like doing..

it doesnt mean that if i say i hate milk..

i wont drink it..

i still will..but lesser..

it doesnt mean that if i say i hate muggin..

i wont mug..

i dun like it..

but i still hav to do it..

even if i say i hate back stabbers..

i still back stab..

true..

i noe the irony..

but i nv said i like myself..

i nv said i cannot back stab..

i nv said dat i back stab all the time..

i hate it..so i'll reduce it..

not totally not do it..

i m not restricted by my words..

i am only restricted by wad i feel..

dun take my words word for word..

i'm already watching my words..

becos i noe wadever one says will affect others in ways unimaginable..

i had to consider ppl's feelings be4 i speak..

its already tough..

if my words were taken so seriously dat u limit me to wad i say..

i rather not speak at all..

if u wan me to tell u why i m not happy abt u..

i will gladly be the bad guy and point it out..

the only reason why i didnt do dat..

is cos i noe..

being the bad guy suffers the most..

dat i dun care..

also..

if i were to say it all out..

will u be able to take it..

think abt it..

asking me to admit my white lies..

is it worth it?

Saturday, May 16, 2009

This week hav been a hungry week..

was back to being attached at NUH..

from tues to thurs..

had lunch only at 2-3pm..

den when packing the medications..

the stomach keep growling..

den veri irritated..

oh well..

at least i had fun there..

went out with jamie jer yingli val to amk on mon..

went to the lan shop there..

went to play l4d

den couldnt stand the graphics..

reached safe hse only den eyes start to water..

mayb cos i play for long hours at a go..

still can tahan..

but jamie non gamer cant tahan after a while..

used to be the same the last time..

oh well..

den after playin we went to this fashion..

yingli wanted to get shorts..

den went in only we saw lots of dresses...

jamie bought new dresses but haven show it to us..

so we were picking clothes off the shelves..

and putting against her to see how it looks..

yingli looks really nice with all the dresses..

jamie too..

haha..

jer also..ROFL!!

yingli went to try out some dresses she picked out..

after dat i went back to dresses section..

i wanted to see wad other dresses i could get...

den jer and ying was lik saying..

for my height..

i shud either wear full length dress or sth else..

i cant rmb..

but i rmb the full length part..

why?

cos dey happily went to pick out the full length one for me..

this fashion's fitting room max 5pcs..

dey started picking out dresses one after another..

saying dat it looks nice and all..

den escort me to fitting room sia..

i was so stunned..=X

but the nice part was dat i got back all my unglam pics..

except for one with me and jamie..

jamie is so cute~ =D

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Mother's day sibei big is it..

ccb..
come and ask me wad i treating u to eat..
wtf..
u tink i made of gold mine ah..
or i everyday shed dollar bills when i wake up..
please lor..
ur mother day present long time given u with ur bdae in one lor..
200 bucks de bag leh
even i also nv spend so much on sth as crap as HANDBAGS be4
u tink i really atm machine meh..
now i nv work how i come out with the money to treat u..
ask me make decisions..
I ABSOLUTELY LOATHE MAKING DECISIONS!
and den u come and call me and ask me to tink where i wan to go to treat u dinner..
okays..
den i say pepper lunch cos dats the only crap i can afford..
u ask me to tink of where means i make the decision..
den u come and tell me dats veri normal..
mother day is a one year once event..
too normal to go to just pepper lunch..
den ask me to instead fork out 100 fucking spore dollars..
so dat i can treat u to having seafood for lunch..
if dat is the case..
u might as well dun ask me to tink abt it at all..
since u are the one making all the decisions..
u happy can le rite..
but now i sibei buay song cos early morning got pissed off by the idiot in my hse..
early morning fuck here and there already..
u tink i got mood to last the whole day meh..
now u call me and say its my fault dat u are staying at scc..
cos i nv give u a answer on whether celebrate dinner today or tml..
go and kill urself lah..
u talk and talk to me..
and den say all the crap..
u jus wan a treat rite..
den u tell me: dun make me sound like i'm demanding a treat from u leh!
the thing is dat u are demanding this treat from me..
and u noe wad happened this morning and yet u still ask me to go discuss with dat asshole guy..
chicken macnugget..
wads ur problem..
den i dun hav the heart to jus diss u off..
cos i noe if u tell tell daddy..
he will come after me..
den its my fault all over again..
cos i use alot of money lah..
and den my atm got money why dun use and all dat..
is u tell me dun use ma..
den say lidat is justified..
cos its mother day..
veri big ah..
screw it..
why do i even hav to put up with it all..
why do i even bother to get all dat crap for u
why do i even bother to even answer ur damn call and control my temper..
now u gimme 10 mins to answer u..
and say u not forcing me to make a decision..
wth..
ask me to go and draw money..
to treat u..
why dun i see u treating me on my bdae
only get me a cake den can liao is it..
my cake worth 100 bucks..
jidangao..
now 10 mins up i gotta go call her and pretend dat i m srry..
act guai..
den throw temper here..
this life just sucks..
and i jus stopped mel from going out of the hse..
now he tells me dat he got pw thing..
and he said he told mum ages ago..
den still need to make wad decision sia..
screw it..
waste the time i can use for my mugging..
one call can settle everything liao..
waste my time and waste my control of temper..
so no one tells me anything..
AND HE JUS FREAKING LEFT THE HSE WITHOUT TELLING ME ANYTHING..
GO AND DIE LARHS!!!
SCREWWWWW YOOOOUUU!

NO ONE TELLS ME ANYTHING ALWAYS..

everyone ignores me rite..

fine..

be dat way..

freaking dun care abt me larh..

since only the guy in the family needs to study..

i dun need to study lurh..

i dun need to relax and game..

i dun need to noe how to on the tv..

i everything also dun need..

happy?!

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Been too lazy to blog these few days..

Rotting at home due to Dorscon Orange at NUH..

no attachment..

no lectures at NP..

not a bad deal..

just that I cant control my desire to slack off..

Sad sia..

Anyways..

finally got my FYP project and group mates..=)

hurhur..went to sch ytd just for the project choosing and all..

Reached sch on time even though i left hse late..

wonder how i did dat..=/

when i reached..JEM were not there yet..

so I emo and played my psp there..

den they came after the lecturers..

so well..

the ppt started going abt the research project..

what to be done and etc..

den Ms Chue and Ms Sally went thru the diff projects with us..

JEM were talking among themselves..

didnt know what they planned to do..

whether dey wanted a group by themselves or wad..

so jus sit and listen and wait out..

den the other cliques managed to split up and were getting additional members..

from my clique..

I decided to save them some trouble of thinking who shud be in wad group..

by going over and joining Sin Yi and Brenda..=DD

Thought that jyan, michan, and darl would be in a group after dat..

hehh..

didnt happened dat way..

it seems that they all wanted different projects..

oh well..

didnt wanted to butt in too much so Sin Yi, Brenda and I started discussing..

abt wad projects we wanted..

and wad projects seemed more interesting..

In the end..

we overlooked project 1..

it was sth abt grading the malaria info on websites..

for Project 11..

the designing and planning of a electronic device for medical reconcilation..

heex..

seemed interesting..

and i was thinking that..

if we succeed..

it would probably benefit tons of ppl..

if we didnt..

at least we noe we tried..

and the process was fun..=)

hurhur..=)

so in the end..

the grouping for JEMM are as follows:

Jehanne, Chole, Yu Ting..

Edah, Chen Wei, Calista..

Michelle, Hui Xuan, Hui Shi..

Milli, Sin Yi, Brenda..

haha..realised dat i with my hubby and edah also with her hubby..

heex..

oh well..

nth else to add le..

today going back to sch for jap class..

gotta finish the work den mug for the jap test..

else later fail fail..=X