Is this my existence?

Friday, July 31, 2009

Time is passing fast..

Another half year is gone..

Just another half year and its all over..

Finals are coming..

Holiday is on its way..

6 Weeks in China during hols..

Dun miss me ppl..=X

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The feeling is fading..

There's almost nth to see, feel, understand..

There is a space beside me for someone..

But that someone is missing..

No idea who is supposed to be there..

All I know is that..

I yearn for that someone..

Even more so now..

Monday, July 20, 2009

Injured myself on the back of the hand todae..

Paused to look at the it..

Watched the red angry line swell up..

Watched the beads of red liquid..

They slowly joined and filled the cut..

Sat and watched as it started to overflow..

Then it coagulated..

I didnt felt any pain..

It jus reminds me of the past..

The times where I often recreate this type of wounds..

No matter how many times it happens..

The wounds keep closing..

I keep opening them..

They just keep closing..

But the red is really pretty..

A little on the dark side..

Blended well with the shiny red..

A perfect colour beside any background..

And I've opened the wound again..

I can't get enough of the light pressure..

The slight throbbing..

And the redness of the blood..

This is going to earn me some complains..

But I shall ignore them for now..

Those pretty lines hidden on my left wrist..

Is all I cared about now..

Something's gone wrong somewhere..

It's like everyday was raining..

Deep in my heart and mind..

The temperature is freezing..

I'm waiting..

But for wad I hav no idea..

I don't know what to do..

Bits and pieces of my sanity are disappearing..

Fading into oblivion..

And for once..

I'm afraid........

Friday, July 10, 2009

Touchy.Irritable.Frustrated.Sleepy.Hungry.

Irritable.Frustrated.Sleepy.Hungry.Touchy.

Frustrated.Sleepy.Hungry.Touchy.Irritable.

Sleepy.Hungry.Touchy.Irritable.Frustrated.

Hungry.Touchy.Irritable.Frustrated.Sleepy.

Haven been ruled by these emotions this week..

Too many little things happened..

Collating into a huge mess..

Can hardly control my temper..

Trying to be alone and not alone..

Trying to smile and not really smiling..

Trying to concentrate and not concentrating..

Trying not to blow up..

But I blew up today..

I snapped..

I don't mean it..

But the words flew out faster then I can stop it..

I just can't seem to stop myself this time..

The headache is getting to me..

Almost killed people with my temper..

So many times i re-checked..

Reined my temper in..

I'll try harder next time..

Forgive me..

Those who I have snapped at..

Thursday, July 09, 2009

A quote which i follow..

"It's alright to dream,

Just remember to wake up,

And face the harsh reality once again"

My own way of thinking..

I always dream..

Sometimes so far ahead that I wonder why it cant be real..

I paste my hopes and wishes in dreams..

Create a modified "me" in my dream..

Someone who I can never be in real life..

It's so easy to just follow the path of the dream..

And just leave reality completely..

But no matter how much you dream..

Once you wake the dream is over..

And reality hits you like a hammer to the head..

I often hoped..

One day..

My dreams will come true and I don't have to face reality again..

It would be so much more freedom for me..

And when that happens..

Everyone's memories of me..

Can simply be erased..

But dreams will be dreams..

Nothing will change that fact..

In fact..

The more you dream..

The harder reality hits..

And it really hurts..

Really hurts..

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Back to the potter's bench where the shaping of the future continues..

It's been 2 weeks since CT..

Holidays are over..

The moulding resumes..

It's getting boring..

There is like hardly any fresh air to breathe..

No space for imagination..

Hard to believe..

That after all these moulding and shaping..

Our future..

Will is really be as bright as it is said to be?

As far as my personality goes..

I can't even be bothered by the future..

If it's meant for us..

Ultimately it will be ours..

But what I can't stand is the way..

how so many people fret and worry about the future..

Sure you will need a good academic record..

Sure you need experience..

But worrying about this problem..

It won't land you a job..

If all these years..

From primary sch all the way to university..

A span of 17 years, give and take a few years..

After all these years..

You get yourself a job and you work on it for 20-30 years or so..

There is no enjoying life after schooling is there?

Sure there is retirement age..

But what's the use of enjoying it when you are so old..

What the fun about it?

Maybe I can't even last that long..

It seems that everyone's life is just based on a few things..

Studying and working then retiring..

That's all to it..

If that's all to it to my life..

Then why bother to study..

Why even bother to live?