Is this my existence?

Saturday, November 28, 2009

It ain't fair..

Those accusations..

Those thoughts that ran thru ur mind..

Those accusations..

Those things that u think that I was thinking..

It ain't fair..

Sure u flare ur temper at him..

But u always forgive him in a matter of seconds..

You always come to me when u need help..

Hell he is always gaming..

I'm always doing work..

Whenever you accuse me of sth..

Do yu noe how hard was it for me to hold my temper in..

You only accuse me..

For the same thing he did..

You nv accused him..

Never..

How is this fair to me..

You said that buying lunch for him..

you had to buy one for me even tho I told u i didnt need any..

You said you did that so I wouldnt blame u for being bias..

But i never tot abt this ever..

I hate the fact that u always accuse me this way..

And now u scold me and accuse me cos of pocket money..

He always argue with u and all because of the same thing..

But u always forgive him..

Why is it different for me..

This seriously isn't fair..

He always does that..

But I seldom do that..

But yet..

I'm the only one not allowed to make u angry..

I'm the only one not allowed to talk back to u..

All just because I'm a fucking girl and dad always wan me to give way to u..

All i do is give way to u and to him..

Then who the hell gives way to me..

All these happened because you said its accumulation..

But he is the one who sparked u off..

Then u keep saying that i shouldn't blame him..

Right..

I should always blame myself..

He didnt get good results because i didnt talk to him..

He has bad attitude because I never showed a good example..

What the serious fuck..

Screw it lah..

Everything also my fault..

Keep saying that if I didnt like it I can always leave..

You can have accumulation..

I can't is it..

The stupid stuff that u did..

Accumulated also..

Always and always..

Happy already rite..

I can always shut myself in..

I dun fucking need your money..

If this means making me cry over and over again because of the hurtful words that you said..

U can have all the fucking money in this world..

I DUN NEED IT

No one ever understands..

Friday, November 27, 2009

Such a long road

Such a wide view

Such complexity

Such irritancy

Such a bothersome life..

More and more things piling up..

There is lesser and lesser time to try to face them all..

I'll avoid if need be..

My piorities are warped..

There is nothing more important than my leisure time now..

But there is seriously no time for myself..

It's really suffocating at times..

There is just no end to all the things that is coming..

I really don't know what to do..

I don't know how to deal with this..

Avoidance..

My best path to walk now..

I hope this works..

I hope this ends soon..

Like seriously..

Else I'll make it end..

Monday, November 09, 2009

It just occured to me..

We were drifting apart..

Knowing each other for so now long..

But yet..

We cant fight against the flood of time..

It was years..

But still..

You've changed..

I'm guessing at some point of time I changed too..

I'm starting to be able not to tolerate it..

In fact..

I'm drifting further away..

To set my mind free from the torment..

That has been nagging since the day I told myself to tolerate..

To protect you guys..

In case I hurt you with the words burning deep in my heart..

It's for all of our own good..

We might not last..

But I'll try..

Maybe some time apart is what we need now..

Hopefully..

We can be back like we were..

That many years ago.....

Monday, November 02, 2009

More stuff are piling up..

More thoughts are starting to arise..

Seriously..

I realised life is starting to get boring once again..

Don't keep on saying or doing the same things..

It gets really boring after a while..