Is this my existence?

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

我是个粗暴的女孩。
又没脑，又不是个天才。
不过，这么说我还是由我脆弱的一面吧。
最近一直在向我自己的弱点。
因为我发觉我对自己还不太了解。
我似乎常常爱乱发脾气，
也很爱撒娇。
有时候爱装可爱，
又有时候想要露出坚强的那一面。
真糟糕。
脑子都乱了。
自己的弱点还没找出来。
可能是我那不爱露出正在想的心事和感觉吧。
不知道啦！
好烦喔！
=========================
最近以制造梦见同样的事。
在我的生命中多出了一个人。
也不知道是谁，可是和我很熟。
而当时的我，却很弱。
他一直都呆在我的生边，
一直支持着我，鼓励我。
想哭的时候，他总是会出现在我的生旁。
不过，好景不长。
他离开了我。
他说和我在一起很快乐。
可是我似乎太过于依赖他。
如果有一天他不在我身边，我应该会出事吧。
我记得自己说会学着让自己变强。
可是，我变强之后，
就不再需要他照顾我了。
他就没有戴在我身旁的意义了。
好为难！
我弱，他会离开。
我强，他还是会离开。
那我该这么办？
我感觉到，如果没了他，
生命会好难过啊。
多么希望现实中，
这一幕不会发生在我的身上。
我可能会蹦跨。
因为我最讨厌选。
我不知道自己在说什么了。
算了，不必理我。

Thursday, November 13, 2008

finally decided to come online..

ytd had jap class..

lets see..

was trying my best to study for micro and the 2 test dat i'm having..

den had dinner..

ate everything on the plate..

den went to class..

feeling so bloated..

den later almost vomitted on the way home..

wendy looked lik she so scared i throw up lidat..

den reached home dat time..

was abt 9 plus or so..

bathed and everything..

den all the way to 12..

i was trying my best not to vomit and trying to relieve the nausea..

in the end..

still threw up..

LOL

sadded..

wont ever east pasta for dinner again..

den nv study finish micro..

this morning still feel lik hell..

cant slp last night..

now feverish and bloat-ish and flu-ish..

wonder if i can go out on sat..

my head hurts lik shit..

-sigh-

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

decided to re-elaborate on ytd's post...

had some time to think on the way to sch today..

was late and all..

but yeah..

gave me an opportunity to think in that silly crowded area..

---------------------------------------

realised dat sometimes..

not all things go the way we want them to..

take for example..

the bowling activity dat i'm currently into and having a whale of a time..

everytime i enter the bowling alley..

there are these ppl who will always be there..

professionals..

god-like in their game of bowling..

yeah.

those i'll say dat that gave advice and such..

even my parents does dat..

but the thing is dat sometimes i look at the professionals.

and my heart jus gave way..

i noe dat there will nv be a time where i can be as good as them..

even though i might train for a long while..

den i'll question myself..

why am i still doing this..

if i noe wad the future holds for me?

i lik bowling..

but i cant stand the fact that i'm still not good enuf..

i noe rushing wont change things..

and might even make things worse..

but these thought jus come..

and like all the other thoughts i hav..

dey come and stay..

not even giving a thought abt leaving..

comparin may be good to see where ur standards are..

but the more i compare..

the worse i feel..

and i cant not compare..

cos i noe by comparing..

i may find the motivcation to improve myself..

dey always say "practice makes perfect"

den there is another way of saying dat " No one is perfect"

so den..this comes to mind..

If "Practice makes perfect" & "No one is perfect"

so den..why still practice?

------------------------------------------------------------

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

okays...

work ended waaaay early today..

i mean i went there for lik only 2 hours..-.-

anyway..

this gimme time to blog abit..

ytd had IS class..

was flash application..

so woke and went out of hse early and reach sch waaay early..

den i realised sth..

in my bag i brought my freaking lapp charger and mouse..

but i forgot to bring my lapp!!!

how stupid can i get..

and i was lik on the shuttle i was tinking of using my lapp to surf the web in sch..

to find ideas for the class later..

until i reach the main bus stop den i realised dat..

walao i jitao stone there...

den no choice..

not enuf time to go back home den return to sch on time..

called home and asked dad to bring for me..

so paiseh..=/

he had to come all the way to my sch den go to work..

T_T

but i got my lapp in the end..

------------------------

oh and my forth finger is hurting lik hell..

mus be caused i played too many games of bowling..

=.=

8 games on sat and 6 games on sun..

still cant get the way of playing right..

i'm so going to die..

lousy at it..

----------------------------

let's hope i can last thru the rest of the week without slping in class..

i'm starting to hav trouble keeping awake in class..

tml 6 hours break i tink i coming back home..

rest abit..

den go out for jap class again^^

oh well..

so tired..

going to slp..

mayb when i free..(if)

i'll change my blogskin^^

sth blackish and gothic perhaps?