Wah...today slep until 10 plus...so long haven slp till so late ler..XD

Woke up today feeling so terrible..>.<>.<>
now as i typing...i still holding one hand to my nose and one hand typing non-stop..>.<
i wonder how i'm going to play audi with one hand later...shud be able to bah...since can use the control key to act as space also..XD

but my com the directional key spoil..XD use numpad den the control key veri the far..XD
haiz...i wan play audi now...>.<

so damn pissed with audi...lol..play wad lose wad...kns...feeling damn crappy...too long nv use the numpad to press suddenly go and use my score cmi...shucks...wadever also cmi...can go die liao lah...




whee...today is fri...last day of the week ler...how good can this get...today got maths test...didnt realy studi so i go the paper and i jus stone there till i tink i noe how to do..XD

Hmm...den had APS today teacher lik all so good...let us all go off early...hahas...den later went to find kx..XD his project thingy with me...den i blur blur look for him...so more he go tell me abt the yuan quan thingy which i totally dun understand...>.<

den he suddenly jus pop out...LoL!

he told me he at first floor...i at first floor wait for him he tell me he came up from B1...blurness!!XD

went to the dental thingy...XD the doc dunno helpme do wad...haiz...my face will be so comical der lor...cos i was grimacing in pain thruout the whole thing...

den came back to sch ler...was raining elephants and rhinoceres...LoL...den made my way to the lib 4th floor....looking for cass and failing to do so went and go np forums to chat...XD
hahas...den cass marmii came out to find me and failed...so packed up my stuff and went ar...meet Elias and he brought me to the magellan (or sth lidat) room..XD
den went out to raffles place to the sakae there...so funni...basically...had fun lah...i cant rmb al the details too...cos i almost slping and so tired..>.<

but i had fun...i wan another outing again!!!



ytd was a monday...zzz...ended earlier at ard 530 or sth lidat...waited for edmund to appear...den in the LT the connection super lousy..>.<>.<



Whee...today ah...jehanne birthday ler...XD
got a present for her...see...meii...i good mah...XD

hmm...today not feeling veri good...now alternating between emo-ness and ok-ness...zzz...messy feelings now...argh...not feeling good...either be emo all the way...or be good or the way...zzz...lik cannot control myself anymore ler..>.<











Zzz...ytd was lik damn sian...maths den pract...zzz...lent my labcoat to cheney...he forgotten to bring...blur guy...hahas...oops...XD Practical wasnt as fun as i tot it was...hav to draw 4 graphs...and i simply not dat free...so i tink i'm gonna take teacher's advice and use mircospft excel to draw the graphs...haiz...which means that i'm going hav to go revise my excel work all over againden use to draw the stupid graphs...i dun mind if its curve or straight line graphs...cos i used to help wendy with it...and i luved it...hahas...but it takes so long...and the points for my pract so out of point...so yea...lazy to neaten and straighten it up...^^

Haiz...ytd went to join project mates for project thingy...actually is more of lik i go there and forum nia...cos the slides finish liao...den dey all copying their slides on cards...lol...i tio the conclusion...haha...i always tio conclusion der...my fav part...can exaggerate lik shit...but their conclusion...somehow diff frm my other conclusions...suddnely got the we luv u for dunno y its in the conclusion...and somemore dey told me not to emo today...zzz...wad does being emo has to do with the conclusion...and guess wad...cos our conclusion nid to be damm enthu becos of the we luv u part...zzz...so gross...den after dat i edited the eng part...den no more...so actually can jus msn which parts we hav to take and i edit the eng...den can ler...lol...

Jap class i was late lah...lol...confirm der...wasted too much tyme in the HLM design rm ler...zzz...den in jap class was partly listening and partly discussing abt audi...=P Whee...audi audi audi...XD i finally find a pro chainer ler...club cab 6 hearts somemore...zzz...i play max only get 4 hearts cos i chain at the last coupling with my partner...he tio first..cos he chainer...^^ i 4th cos i chain liao miss fm..XD wahh...i veri the stress liao...i scared i lose today..>.<>.<

Best part was after the jap class...went to find wendy...or is wendy went to find me...both oso the same...den we jus sat outside the classroom where the weiqi competition is going on...and we watch the sky...i liked the peace dat tyme...so long nv lik sit down and do nth but tok...and watch sky...^^ missed it...thx for pei-ing me...if got another chance lidat i still wan go and watch the stars and skies..^^ thx for not letting me drift apart...luv ya~

Haiz...today ah...dun even feel lik doing the presentation now...i hate it when ppl call me to go one place lik giving meorders lidat...den when i call the person to go somewhere...take the own sweet tyme to appear...make me look lik idiot waiting down there lidat...zzz...whereas when i'm called i mus chiong down to pei dat person..zzz...i dun lik lor...even wendy also dun dare to ask me lidat der..>.<>

I feel the start of my emo period for the week ler...haiz...still mus force myself to be happi and act happi...i'm tired of it..>.<>.<

Wendy...jiayouus for ur weiqi competition...luv ya the most!




I dun lik being ignored...really dun lik the feeling of being cast aside on one side of the field...I'm a human for god's sake...i hav feelings...i jus dun lik the feeling of being thrown away...i mean...hu does?
I can try my best to make friends...but sometimes dun critisize me for being emo...i've a reason for everything...well...most of the things dat i do..>.< True...i request for my own space...but...at least maintain some sense of HUMAN contact..when i tok...at least listen or sth lidat...dun lemme tok to the air...i'm tired of repeating myself...i dun mind if u didnt catch wad i was saying...or better...at least pretend dat u're listening..

I'm sick and tired of pretending dat i really care...i'm alreay feeling the stress upon myself...how i'm not allow to play to relieve stress...how i'm always mus appear for projects and work on the freaking project dat drags on forever...I'm so tired...Really veri tired...anyone...jus help me or sth...help me leave...god...lemme return to ur side..



Shucks...emo for quite some time ler...i lik start to hav this emo period very week...usually on wed after IS modules or thurs...cos too much thing happening during dat day...Once was emo on tues...and shucks...i'm real srry to all my jap class fwens...cos i really cant control it...was feeling extremely extremely left out...not dat its anyone's fault...jus dat i was jus being myself for a while...

I've this feeling...also dunno y...dat i sure gonna hav a huge quarrel with someone...this type of quarrel is a yearly tradition...from sec 1 till sec 4 always hav der...and in sec sch its mostly with the same person...cos we both hav similar temper...haiz...i bet u noe hu u are...but now also so seldom see her around...onli see her online and sthgo eat and suff lidat...but i guess dats enuf...at least got keep in touch...haha...but its not really enuf to set us into a quarrel...Its someone aroundme bah...i kept feeling so irritated so veri easily...lik having mood swings liao...every little thing dat someone does around me kinda piss me off...but i try my best not to let it show...i'm really trying my best to hold my feelings and expressions back but i'm not perfect in doing so..i dowan to let my feelings show...i'm scared dat i'll hurt someone hu i dun mean to hurt at all den in turn spoil the friendship...but i noe i am already at the brink of my limits ler...i'm already showing myirritance at ppl...and feeling damn fu*ked up when things go awry...its lik i'm startin to get my annual major moodswing and i'm not loving it at all...

I had to get away from all these but no one is helping...i'm not accepting any help...neither is there any for mr to accept in the first place...i noe this isn't good...but i honestly dowan help..i'm afraid dat it will be too much for u guys to handle and if i reject...it wont reflect well...i'm not sure anymore...really...this is..i donno er..Not dat helping is not good...i jus nid some tyme alone and some space for me to breathe...some tyme for me to act irritated and some space for me to throw tantrum...i really nid to be more of myself...i'm sick and tired of wearing a mask...real tired ler...i wanna take off the mask and be myself...jus be myself where i can quarrel with wendy...scold and whack ppl...haiz...

Izzit so tough for someone to be jus him/herself? I jus wanna be by myself.

Am i so blur and dull in wad i do or in msn when i tok? I'm jus trying to learn.

How do u see me as? Dummy? Slacker? I've no idea.

I noe i cant please anyone and everyone...so i tink i've decided i to please no one but myself...




Come together, break apart. Come together, break apart.


Cruel cycle that i can nv understand. Dowan to understand it either.


Wads the use. Today...the emo kid is revived from her long sleep during the hols.


The day came again. Hate him..hate him so much...hate him all the way...hate hate hate...


but y is there a portion of me dat still luv him...i already hav no idea wad i wan...no idea wad i really intend to want..i dunno ler...i everything also dunno ler...


I dun wan the cycle to happen...not to me...not to anyone...it hurts..it really hurts...really hurts to the core...the emptiness is lik a huge gaping hole...nth can fill it...nth at all...i tried immersing myself in work...but work is really veri boring..i tried hanging out often with fwens to forget...but almost everything we did together reminds me of him...bowling...inline skating...forumming...


wth...i duwan to be reminded of him...i dun wanna...dun wanna...but i jus lik all these activities..i lik it...mayb its because he lik it too...


Its a terrble day...its his bdae...his bdae..stupid me went to sms him to wish him happi bdae...i regretted it...really i did...really..as all the past smses...mine is ignored...haha...i'm lik giving him a knife to hurt meself...i really am stupid...stupid freak forummer...stupid stupid stupid...why can i nv stop thjinking of him...i not together with him anymore...nlot anymore...and nv will again...but i still have his memories in my mind...


Its his sweetness dat drew me out of my lonely and shallow life...his sincerity touched me...he reached out his hand to help me...so rarely did anyone did all these for me...in fact...i haven seen anyone...I'm not saying dat i dun care abt my fwens anymore...he simply made me different from wad i really am..really...i really like him so much...the gaping hole in my heart simply gets bigger with each passing moment...my fwens fill in some parts of the hole for me..but...its not enough...not really enough...I really dunno wad to do anymore...no one to help me...no one to save me..



Why isnt it lik the games? whereby once u lose...its game over...i wan a complete game over...COMPLETE! Y is there always traces of his memories in my mind...i dun wan that...he had another girl...i shud hav given upon him...totally given up on him...i promised myself that i will no longer think of him and focus on my studies and my fwens and family rite now...but...

I'm am idiot in so many aspects...so foolish...i'm still thinking about him...thinking abt him...wishing hes still here...argh...i noe hes here...i wanna see him...but i dun wanna see him...its the battle of the hate and wish...wad shud i do...

In the end...i still thinking of him..thinking of him...of him and his girl happily together...

&An extremely evil-ish senile person who has intense memory problems.
&Been occupying space and dominating oxygen since 2nd June
&Around for 9teen years and demanding a refund.
&An ex-riversidian, currently a much-loved NP student of Pharmacy Science year 3

♥ HER DESIRES

♥Nothing will please me more than to get into a university now.
♥Following that will be accessories definitely.
♥Close behind are the 4Cs: Chocolates, Cash, Caps, Clothes.
♥A driving license will be nice once i saved up enough cash. ♥Far fetched wish is my dream home near the ocean.
may it come true!

† SPEAK UP

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# V.e.n.e.s.s.a laogong~
# xBLAHH
# XiiaoWinter [E.u.d.o.r.a]
# --babyDEE--

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