Is this my existence?

Friday, September 26, 2008

Feeling way hollow-ish...

Like something is missing right here in my life..

Have no idea what it is..

I can't figure it out by myself..

I can sit here..

Looking out of the window at the horizon..

I can't pinpoint what I'm pining for..

I can feel myself growing hot and cold..

There are missing pieces of the puzzle in my life..

And I darn well can find it..

It's like this black hole in the middle of a average picture..

Exactly in the spot in the middle of my heart..

Exactly in the spot in the middle of my mind..

I can't figure anything out..

I have food, shelter, friends & family, air, water, even sunlight for god's sake..

Though I don't use sunlight to make food for mysef..

I'm confused..

I thought I have nearly everything I wanted..

What's going on?

The seconds are ticking by..

Time is making its way through our lives..

I don't know what I want!!

Is there something else i yearn for?

Is there something..

That is currently not available to me?

As in..

That is not willing to appear in front of me..

Hell..

I'm really at a lost..

It's like I'm addicted..

But to what?!

I never knew what I was living my life out for..

For who?

For what?

Why?!

Uh uh..

No one can give me an answer to all those questions..

Now I'm wondering if my emo is coming back..

I'm so tired I can't think straight..

I really need..something..

I don;t know what..

Jus some freaking something..

I really think I left my brains in Australia..

And my heart floating around somewhere..

I mean..

I'm here in Singapore..

But I believe I left something behind in Australia..

I need to compile all these feelings..

That are daunting me now..

Making me sway with indecision..

Swirling in my mind..

I need to be alone now..

Perhaps now and forever more..

It might not end..

This episode of emo of mine..

I need something..

Jus don;t know what..

Need something to distract me not to laugh when its time to..

But to laugh because I want to..

I want to laugh as myself..

Not as a figure..a shadow of myself I created..

Labels: Addicted to?

Okays i noe i haven been posting for a gazillion years.

wadever larhs..

was too tired to tired..

to post abt my trip in aus..

i tink might take 2 gazillion years or sth lidat..

wait till i'm having my proper slp or sth..

my insomia is lik knocking on my mind's door again..

and i'm not getting enuf slp..

no mood to post up and upload pics..

and i hav work too..

wait till i hav a day to myself where i had enuf slp and good mood..

been wanting to watch dance movies..

and i got my wish!

went out with my dad to get a new chair for my study table..

and i 'tricked' (kinda) him into buying disks for me..

heh heh..=)

went to the dvd store and told him abt wad voucher thingy mum wanted..

so had to buy more to redeem those vouchers..

ended up buying stomp the yard..step up 1&2..

happy lik bird..

and i watched everything at a go..

i wanna do some hip hop dancing again..

realy really wanna do them..

hais..

but nah..

no hope ba..

was feeling bored ytd..

at work..

and i tried to make some new designs...

but i tink i failed..

oh well..

wait till heal le den redo or sth..

i'm lik getting a kick out of doing craving designing..

keke..

happy happy..