Is this my existence?

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Last day of exams..

A time of rejoicement..

Sadly, so not the case..

It's time to get back all those lost sleep..

Those time that was exchanged for trying to cram more shit into my brain..

Moreover, there is still FYP external presentation to do..

The results of the poster presentation was announced..

Unfortunately..we were not one of the winners..

Feeling guilty that my major-sigh-into-microphone stunt might be the cause of the drop in marks..

Seriously hope that is not true..

I'll never live it down if that is the case..

But still..

There is still the external presentation to work hard for..

Thanking all those people who said they would come down and give moral support..

There is still a chance that we can score..

I fervently hope so..

Anyways..

Time to do the admission process for university..

Another major crossroad..

1st March is the presentation..

This time I'm going to look at the empty chairs and present..

Hopefully no more major-sigh-that-even-the-deaf-can-hear..

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Thought I would take a break from attempting to cram more shit into my brain..

First paper was over on the 19th of Feb..

Which simply means that I have 2 more papers to deal with..

I can safely conclude that I will not be able to finish mugging for the 2nd paper..

14 chapters worth of diseases, treatments and other aspects..

It's seriously cramping my already peanut sized brain..

Not to mention I would die even faster for the 16 chapters paper on the 24th..

To be honest..

I have yet to complete 2 chapters for tml's PHT 14 chpt paper..

How cool is that?!

There is simply no way I am able to commit everything to memory..

When all I want to do is just to fall on my bed and sleep the day away..

No amount of coffee does me any good..

No amount of caffeine-loaded tea does me any good too..

This is really going to limit my choices for university..

Not that I highly eligible for any course anyways..

The stress level is like sky-high or something lidat..

Thankfully Michelle and Edah helped..

By entering the arcade and playing bishi-bashi with me..

Was able to relieve a little of the stress by beating the crap out of the machine..

Sadly it doesn't seem enough..

No matter..

I'll just continue feeding information to my brain..

Whether it absorbs and overlap or not..

I can't help but not be bothered about it..

If I can make it through..

It would be a miracle..

If I can't..well..

It's not unexpected anyways..

No high hopes here..

I fall from the sky too many times to count..

Friday, February 05, 2010

After today's FYP poster presentation..

It's one down and a tons more things to go..

Finals are coming jus after CNY..

External presentations are in March with the closing ceremony 2 days after it..

Then it will be deciding whether to continue with FYP study for the Pharmacy Congress..

I kinda felt a little down for the presentation..

I could have done way better..

While practicing with Brenda and SinYi..

I could do it..

But when standing on stage..

It was hard to concentrate on the words that's supposed to flow from memory..

In the end..

I sounded like I was on a bus that was driving along a road full of portholes..

Felt like i wasted the group's practice effort..

And I was the one who told them to be calm..

Look at me..

Pathetic and can't even follow what I preach..

Sometimes I seriously wonder why the hell am I here..

SinYi and Brenda could have gotten on well without me that's for sure..

I start to wonder why am I even in this pharm course..

Exams are coming..

Stress is building..

I don't f-ing get any respect at home..

Biasness alert at home..

Mugging time on the rise..

Uncertainty in the air..

Temper boiling over..

Words hurting..

And seriously..

If u regret bringing me into this world..

Go turn back time and abort..

Don't keep saying it everytime only when I do something you dislike..

It makes me feel unwanted..

Even though I know I AM unwanted in the house..

Gaddamnit..

You only want Melvyn..

Because he is a guy..

If that's the case..

Why even have me?

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

It's already the month of Feburary..

My final year in NP..

I never really noticed the passing of time..

Not until now..

When FYP deadline is near and coupled with finals..

When universities are open for admission..

When its the time to make more decisions..

To continue studies or to go out into the working world?

What course to take and which uni to go?

What to work as, where and part-time or full-time?

All the decision making starts now..

Frankly, I don't know what to choose..

Almost 3 years ago..

I entered NP PHARM due to a case of "Anyhow Whack"..

All i knew is that i wanted to do something with science..

Up till now..

I know I still wan to do something with science and biology..

But I have absoultely no idea where I can go..

"Anyhow Whack" sounds like a good idea again..

The only course I wanted..

It seems that I might not be able to enter..

That's one of the saddening thing..

My friends are all going to go their separate ways..

Will I ever meet them again?

Will we be able to laugh and go crazy..

Or will be just be friendly strangers?

I have no idea what I want..

I thought that these 3 years might make me WANT something..

All these years..

I have no idea why and what I'm studying for..

I'm studying because its the law..

The right thing to do..

Advancing from primary to secondary..

Because one cannot do much with a PSLE cert..

Advancing from secondary to tertiary institution..

Because good jobs require something more than O level cert..

Entering poly..

Because of hands-on experiences and higher chance to get a better job in case I'm not able to enter university..

Now I'm stuck here..

Do I still want to study..

All my life is just revolving about studying..

All it does was to equip oneself with knowledge..

But what is the use of all these knowledge if I do not know what I want to do in the future?

These knowledge do not tell me what I want..

All the career prospects only tell me what I can be..

But is what I can be what I want?

Is what I want what I can be?