Monday, March 24, 2008
in response to wad my cousin said..
.
i understand wad u are trying to tell me..
but sometimes i jus cant find wads wrong with me..
dats the main thing..
i try to be understand but wad the crap..
i cant do anything dat is to their liking..
i mean..
we had a "talk"..
but shit lah..
no much use at al can..
i do reflect..
but after reflecting..
i try to change..
but something screw up again..
dey will pick up from the past and once again pick on unhealed wounds..
so bascially i dun see the need to change much..
i reflect and change..
so wad else do dey wan from me..
i dun see any wrong in scolding my brother in the first place..
i dun noe wad to do u noe..
smetimes it jus hurts to even think back..
.
the night be4 i posted dat last post..
i was crying all night long..
reflecting on wad went wrong..
t be honest..
i dun mind if my bnrother results is better den me..
but the problem is dat dat is not the freaking case..
he is worse den me..
and so why shud i still be compared to him..
mum kept saying dat i'm influencing him in a bad way.
but the thing is dat i m so not freaing getting close to him..
and i'm lik shit totally different frm him can.
my attitude is bad..
bu not is the way dat he can scold me fuck in everyday life can..
.
rmb the times when we went SCC and i blew my top?
he scolded me 3 Fs..and bit_h..
for no apparent reason..
i hav really no desire to talk to him..
.
even if i were to tink abt my life..
and wad the hell i wanna do with my life..
i hav really no idea wad to do..
cos i dun hav the potential..
i dunno lah..
i jus feel lik veri raw and exposed..
lik anyone can see thru my feelings and hurt me..
i dunno larhs..
to me..
nth i impt anymore..