Is this my existence?

Sunday, September 23, 2007

22 sept
Woke up at 11am todae..
Was awake way earlier den dat…
Just didn’t want to wake so early so I wont have to face the others..
11am is not a good timing also..
Got forcefully commanded to wake up..
Switch off the fan and throw the blanket over me and close the windows and the doors…
Cos my room can keep heat well..so became so hot I ‘wake’ up…
Typical method to wake me up..
Wake up dun feel lik talking to anyone…
And was feeling hungry from 8 am onwards..
So instead of waiting for the typical questions on where to eat ad wad to eat..
I went to eat some bread by myself..
And so just as I’m finishing my bread..
Mum came out from her rm after talking for lik 2 hrs..
And ask me wad the hell am I eating bread…
And everything started from there again..
I had a plastic bag dat I was drying at the balcony..
And she was there and was lik screaming at me why I placed it there…
“Why u put the bag here?!”
“to dry lah..wad else..”
“u this girl got learn bio de..u dunno likdat cannot dry the bag one meh?
Dunno u learn bio for wad der..learn liao also nv use..
Waste my my money and…”
It continues..and I’m so lazy to listen..i just kept quiet..
Typical dae at home…
So does dat means dat I learn bio I mus noe all this things…
I learn bio means I mus noe which medicine I mus eat and wad I cant eat..
and dat I mus noe all the names of the plants..else I’ll be wasting the money spent on me?
In sec 3 and 4..
I learn physics so I mus noe how I shud hang the clothes..and where..
So dat it can dry faster?
I learn chemistry so I mus noe which chemical can cause explosion..
And mus learn all the properties of the chemicals in the periodic table?
So I learn maths I mus noe all the angles and all the formulas of them?
I learn eng so means I mus be able to speak proper eng better den u?
I learn humanities so I mus noe and learn from all the mistakes of our preancestors?
I learn music so I mus be able to play the piano and be able to read the score..
So izzit dat wadever I learn..i hav to excel in it?
I’m not dat good u noe..
I’m just a typical girl in this typical world..
Nth more den dat..
I dun see u saying dat to Melvyn at all..
Oh right..i forgot..
He’s the apple of ur eye rite..
I totally forgot abt dat..
I’m sorry if I ever injure dat apple of yours with the words I use..
Ok..i’m not exactly sorry…
I just hate it when u favour him more..
Oh rite..i noe dat I’m jealous..and so wad?
I hate dat u try to protect him wif all u have…
When he fail his maths and physics and all dat..
U didn’t beat him lik u did to me when I flunk my physics only..
Do u noe dat it seems to me dat u r shielding him more…
I try to ignore it..because he is younger den me..
I take it dat he needs more care and more guiding..
I tot u would sit wif him and guide him along wif his work..
But no..
U didn’t do dat..
U jus talked to him getting better marks next tym else u would cane me..
Dats not how u told me when I flunked my physics…
U told me I had better fucking buck up else u would chase me out of the hse and ask me to work instead of studying..
Because I waste more money den him…
And I can work better den him..
All right..i noe u are stingy wif ur compliments..
So I take dat u are praising me on my work..
But do u noe how much it took me to convince myself dat u are actually praising me wif those words..
I felt lik a fool sometimes…
Trying to convince myself dat wad u r saying is for my benefit..
I nv said it out be4..
But I had enuf of trying to keep them to myself and suffering..
Sometimes..i really wonder how much u actually love me..
I really feel insulted when u scolded me..
But I control my temper..becos I really dowan to quarrel wif u..
It’ll end up wif more troubles den be4..
And I hate having more troubles den I already have..
But sometimes..the words dat u say..
Are too much dat I really cannot take it..
And den the quarrels start..
I dun deny the fact dat it was me dat first started the quarrel and all..
I dun deny dat it was my actions dat first sparked u off..
I dun deny the fact dat my childish actions trigger ur anger..
In fact all the quarrels at home are the effects of my childish actions..
I dun deny it..
I noe dats its true..
I cant get rid of my childish actions..
Because dats wad I am..
Childishness is my nature..
I cant change dat..neither can u..

okok...i had enuf of all dat..

23 sept..

saw the tag wendy ask me to do..sth abt the personality test..

oh yea..i'm bored..=D

and i noe this is onli part 1...

5 things in bag:

1. jacket

2. wallet

3. mp3

4. comb

5. rubbish collected over the years..=X

5 things in wallet:

1. money (of cos..else how to do out..><)

2. safra card

3. speedy cyber cafe card of some sort

4. neoprints!!

5. audition acash cards..=X

5 favorite things at home:

1. my bed..

2. laptop

3. my megre collection of comics

4. my bio notes and txtbook..=D

5. a caricature of myself..(cos its looks weird..=D like me^^)

5 things i want:

1. to be online forever..

2. to be able to replay all my piano scores..

3. to play audi for days straight

4. to get chemistry out of my life...

5. to slp..

5 things im doing now:

1. trying to control my temper..

2. listening to wendy's blog music..

3. trying to have a piece of music i want..

4. waiting for sms...

5. waiting for tym to pass to go to work..

5 people i want to tag:

(tag liao mus do hor...)

1. Joel..

2. Mary jie

3. Sammie Jie

4. Jiesheng

5. Shifu?

yay!! i finally reached part 2 ler..

mus jiayouus..i feeling uber tired..>.<

1. Relationship with Wendy

friends for 4 yrs and 7 months..friends dat quarrel lots especially during camps but still remian as friends after dat..( and i still dunno how we stop our cold war..=X)

2. Five impressions of her

->Serious (sth abit too serious and cant get the joke..=X)

->Extremely studious..(walao she get good grades..T.T)

->Super good at arguing wif me..=D (i like dat^^)

->Perfectionist... (most of the tym...)

->She shuts up when she's not happy..dats my cue to stop talking to her for a while and let her cool down so i wont be shot at when i try to talk to her..=X

3. Most Memorable Thing she has done for me

Huh~I dunno leh..i tinkler den write again..=X

4. Most Memorable Words she said to Me

"Walao..dat arrogant person so lousy..faster end the whole thing..."

it was a phone conversation and i tink only she understands wad it mean..

(dat is if her stm nv make her forget it..=X)

5. If she Becomes My Enemy

Erm..I make sure I'll be in different countries from u...

6. Most Desireable Thing I Want to do With her

Take neoprint wif her...cos the expression we cook up in neoprints seems more natural den anything..=D

(i still lik the previous one more den anything..=D)

7. Overall impression

Eh..great friend to have if u dun step on her toes..

but yea..if onli she is a boi....

-thinks too far ler^^-

8. How Do You think People Around Feel About You

I dunno...mayb dey see me as a person trying to act cute sometimes..

and a veri lazy person..one who likes to emo lik nobody's business...

But..i keep most of my expressions to myself..and yea..i dun really lik to show my feelings..

9. Characteristics i Love About Myself

->heck-care attitude

->the way my hands can trun at the elbow^^

->my obession for audition..

11. Ideal Person i Want to Be

I love being myself..

though i would gladly want a family who has lesser problems den mine...

12. 5 people to tag (I just took the names from the previous entry... Haha~)

the same names from the part 1..ty^^

whee...another test..

lmao...can really see i uber bored lor...=D

wendy was rite..the #9 i also kena...>.<

You entered: Millison Chua Lynn Shan
There are 20 letters in your name.

Those 20 letters total to 90

There are 6 vowels and 14 consonants in your name.
Your number is: 9

The characteristics of #9 are:

Humanitarian, giving nature, selflessness, obligations, creative expression.

The expression or destiny for #9:

The expression that you exhibit is represented bythe number 9.

Your talents center in humanistic interests and approaches.

You like to help others as you were intended to be the 'big brother or big sister' type.

You operate best when you follow your feelings and sense of compassion, and allow yourself to be sensitive to the needs of others.

You work well with people, and have the potential to inspire.

This suggests that you could successfully teach or counsel.

Creative ability, imagination and artistic talent (often latent) of the highest order are present in this expression.

It's possible that you're not using or developing all of these capabilities at this time.

Some of your talents may have been used at an earlier time in your life, and some may still be latent.

Be aware of your capabilities, so that you can make use of them at appropriate times.
If you are able to achieve the potential of your natural expression in this life, you are capable of much human understanding and have a lot to give to others.

Your personal ambitions are likely to be maintained in a very positive perspective, never losing sight of an interest in people, and a sympathetic, tolerant, broad-minded and compassionate point of view.

You are quite idealistic, and disappointed at the lack of perfection in the world.

You have a strong awareness of your own feeling as well as those of others.

Friendships, affection, and love are extremely important.
Undeveloped or ignored, the negative side of the 9 expression can be very selfish and self-centered.

If you do not actively involve yourself with work that benefits others, you may tend to express just the opposite characteristics.

It is your role to be very involved with other people and their needs, but it may be difficult for you achieve this role.

Aloofness, lack of involvement, and a lack of sensitivity mark the low road of this expression.

Your Soul Urge number is: 11
A Soul Urge number of 11 means:

With the 11 Soul Urge, much of your thinking and interests relate to the abstract, the spiritual, and utopian dreams.

You are motivated toward idealistic concepts, and the sharing of your ideas and concepts with humanity.

This number is not one that is giving in a material or a practical sense, but rather one who desires to help mankind with a more abstract commodity such as religion, spiritualism, occult studies, or even psychic abilities.
If you possess the positive 11 Soul Urge traits, you have a dream of the perfect world;

you are highly idealistic and inspirational.

Your inner strength and devotion to your beliefs are extremely strong.

You have a very good mind that is especially well equipped to handle the higher, more abstract forms of thought.
If there is an excess of 11 energy in your makeup, you may possess some the negative 11 traits. There is a tendency for the 11 to produce considerable amounts of nervous tension which is bought on by a very high level of awareness.

You may be too sensitive and overly emotional.

In some cases, these sensitivities and emotions are quite repressed, and this tends to add even more to the sense of nervousness in the makeup.
The strong 11 is not a very practical person because of the extreme idealism; often, there is a degree of self-deception present.

There is usually a rather fixed idea of right and wrong held by those showing strong 11 traits, and with this very often is a resulting attitude of inflexibility.

Your Inner Dream number is: 7
An Inner Dream number of 7 means:

You dream of having the opportunity to read, study, and shut yourself off from worldly distractions.

You can see yourself as a teacher, mystic, or ecclesiastic, spending your life in the pursuit of knowledge and learning.

As of 9/23/2007 12:25:08 AM EDT

You are 17 years old.

You are 207 months old.

You are 904 weeks old.

You are 6,322 days old.

You are 151,728 hours old.

You are 9,103,705 minutes old.

You are 546,222,308 seconds old.

lmao...those highlighted in cyan are those i tink are impossible or diesnt show in me..

the rest i heck care^^

okay wendy..i did wad u ask me to do ler..

another uber long post^^