Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Come together, break apart. Come together, break apart.
Cruel cycle that i can nv understand. Dowan to understand it either.
Wads the use. Today...the emo kid is revived from her long sleep during the hols.
The day came again. Hate him..hate him so much...hate him all the way...hate hate hate...
but y is there a portion of me dat still luv him...i already hav no idea wad i wan...no idea wad i really intend to want..i dunno ler...i everything also dunno ler...
I dun wan the cycle to happen...not to me...not to anyone...it hurts..it really hurts...really hurts to the core...the emptiness is lik a huge gaping hole...nth can fill it...nth at all...i tried immersing myself in work...but work is really veri boring..i tried hanging out often with fwens to forget...but almost everything we did together reminds me of him...bowling...inline skating...forumming...
wth...i duwan to be reminded of him...i dun wanna...dun wanna...but i jus lik all these activities..i lik it...mayb its because he lik it too...
Its a terrble day...its his bdae...his bdae..stupid me went to sms him to wish him happi bdae...i regretted it...really i did...really..as all the past smses...mine is ignored...haha...i'm lik giving him a knife to hurt meself...i really am stupid...stupid freak forummer...stupid stupid stupid...why can i nv stop thjinking of him...i not together with him anymore...nlot anymore...and nv will again...but i still have his memories in my mind...
Its his sweetness dat drew me out of my lonely and shallow life...his sincerity touched me...he reached out his hand to help me...so rarely did anyone did all these for me...in fact...i haven seen anyone...I'm not saying dat i dun care abt my fwens anymore...he simply made me different from wad i really am..really...i really like him so much...the gaping hole in my heart simply gets bigger with each passing moment...my fwens fill in some parts of the hole for me..but...its not enough...not really enough...I really dunno wad to do anymore...no one to help me...no one to save me..
Why isnt it lik the games? whereby once u lose...its game over...i wan a complete game over...COMPLETE! Y is there always traces of his memories in my mind...i dun wan that...he had another girl...i shud hav given upon him...totally given up on him...i promised myself that i will no longer think of him and focus on my studies and my fwens and family rite now...but...
I'm am idiot in so many aspects...so foolish...i'm still thinking about him...thinking abt him...wishing hes still here...argh...i noe hes here...i wanna see him...but i dun wanna see him...its the battle of the hate and wish...wad shud i do...
In the end...i still thinking of him..thinking of him...of him and his girl happily together...
Life at its worst.